One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
