I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
