just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
