I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
