PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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