So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
