I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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