shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
a search helicopter?!
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
