dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
