I got chris browned last night
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
