Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
