why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
