I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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