Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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