Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
