i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
