I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
