Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
