honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
