I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
