I think I am morally bankrupt
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
