Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
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Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
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Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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