I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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