now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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