I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
