what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
