Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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