Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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