If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
