So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
