That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Randomize
