the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
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