No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
