sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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