It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
