see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
