wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
