Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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