careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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