thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
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The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
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Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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