I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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