When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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