I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
