Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
