i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
