There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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