I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I need a burrito and a hug.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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