I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
