So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
