i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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