Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
