i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I supernannyed him into submission
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
