wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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