i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
