Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
