ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
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Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
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They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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