Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
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