my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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