I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
