How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
it's like heaven, but drunker
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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