So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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