So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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