i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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