people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
