Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
