so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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