I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
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