In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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