And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
