True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
The beer is more important than you right now.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
