my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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