Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
