she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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