im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
