can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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