He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
