She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
